• What is it about any change that most people find so threatening?
• What exactly is 'emotional intelligence'?
• What are the deep needs driving individual behaviors, organizational cultures and their interaction?
• Why is 'victim' behavior so prevalent and... what can be done to deal with it?
• Are there some simple beliefs that can help accelerate an organizational transition? What additional beliefs are needed by the 'change agents'?
• Are there some simple principles to understand the rich complexity of human emotion?
• What types of 'right brain' seminars do you offer?

• Resources

It's not the change itself. The culprit is the "uninvited guest" of transition - the social consequence of the change. It disrupts the inertia of the standard ways of doing things that seems to reinforce a mysterious human need for predictability and reinforcement of existing emotional boundaries. This puzzling reaction is natural, predictable, and must be planned for. It's messy, but it can be managed.

As change agents, it will be key for us to learn to insulate our "hot buttons," scan a given situation for "land mines," and not personalize the defensive, natural resistance encountered when the suggested changes trigger longstanding cultural "hot buttons." We need to distinguish between what the people's stated reasons are for not initially accepting a change... and intuit what the real reasons are underlying it.

The change agent's mantra: "Those darn humans... God bless 'em!"

The "wildcard" in our transformation efforts will be to create, through our own behavior, the expectation and facilitation of people to ("voluntarily") manage their ego reactions to change in healthy ways so as to pursue organizational goals in a manner that identifies and respects the needs of the business.

Emotional Intelligence in a Nutshell
Trait		Description
Self-awareness		Observing oneself - Recognizing a feeling as it happens.
Managing emotions		Handling feelings so that they are appropriate: - Realizing what is behind a feeling, - Handling fears and anxieties, anger, and sadness.
Motivating oneself		Channeling emotions in the service of a goal: - Emotional self control, - Delaying gratification and stifling impulses.
Empathy		Sensitivity to others' feelings and concerns: - Taking their perspective, - Appreciating the differences in how people feel about things.
Handling relationships		Managing emotions in others - Social competence and social skills.

These address the most fundamental element of an organizational commitment to quality - its individuals' personal unique mindsets. Getting people to understand and insulate hot buttons to depersonalize issues while channeling this energy towards business results is the most efficient way to improve information flow through peer feedback processes, interpersonal working relationships, and cultural perceptions and feelings influencing these relationships.

• All human behavior is dedicated to meeting four needs: Survival, Love and be loved, Feel important, Variety
• Healthy balance of four needs = personal "Control" [Inner peace - "Everything is a choice"]
  Under stress, a threatened need will drive all of a person's energy to meet it, resulting in:
  Addictive (defensive) behavior - Behavior with short-term benefit and long-term destruction
• Up to age 20, we develop principles (values) that create our individual perceptions/patterns for getting the four needs met, by whatever means ["What I think will get me what I want."]
  These principles create a belief window through which we view the world and "filter" situations. [S-E-A - Sex, Ethnicity, and Age - our unique context for developing these values]

After age 20, values virtually "lock"--The tendency then becomes to filter experiences to conform to our unique values, creating the potential for perceived threats... and addictive behaviors.

Personal growth occurs only through a serious challenge and examination of one's values

• Principles set up specific rules by which one, predictably, judges a situation
  ["If someone believed [principle], then they would tend to…"]
• Behavior is what people actually observe
• Results are what happened because of one's behavior
• Feedback:
  1. Did the results of the observed behavior meet the person's needs?
  2. Will exhibiting the same behavior in a similar future situation meet the person's needs over time?

The "principles/beliefs" and "actions" resulting from trying to meet these needs result in an organization's culture - its "If... then" rules that drive executive/worker behaviors

"Blame" is merely one symptom of the prevalent victimhood culture in today's society and its organizations. To become serious about eradicating blame, accountability should no longer mean "account for," i.e., excuse making, blaming others, confusion, an attitude of helplessness, preparing stories to explain lack of results.

There must be a deeper transformation in mindset to a sense of reality, ownership, solutions to problems, and determined action. True accountability is powered by commitment and hard work with a focus on current and future efforts rather than reactive and historical explanations. The past is used only for learning, especially to expose and deal with longstanding, ingrained - and mostly unspoken - "cultural handcuffs."

The 'Victimitis Virus'
In today's society, you name it... and somebody's mad! There is an increased sense of entitlement accompanied by a perception of loss of personal control.

Well, isn't it easy to see that our current societal processes are perfectly designed to result in this culture of victimhood? Look at the anger behind many world conflicts, the lack of personal accountability of many political leaders, the ridiculous salaries given to athletes, the mindless business budget cuts and layoffs of hard-working people contrasted with the golden parachutes of failed CEOs - past cultural chickens have come home to roost.

This has resulted in all-too-familiar cultural patterns of whining and avoiding responsibility, grandstanding politicians demanding "accountability," and righteously indignant cries of "Who's to blame?" - huge, needless energy drains in society, government, organizational cultures, schools, and families.

Six symptoms of the "Victimitis Virus"

1. The "blame game" is only one symptom of victimhood.
2. Ignoring or pretending not to know about accountability ("Gee, I didn't know... "),
3. Denying responsibility ("It's not my job!"),
4. Citing confusion as a reason for inaction, giving reasons why one can't do what is asked, and either asking others to tell them what to do or claim that they can't do it
5. Covering one's "tail" ("Told you so!" or "YOU told me to do it!"),
6. Just waiting & seeing if the situation will miraculously resolve itself (The tried & true cultural 'stonewall' - "And yet this, too, shall pass - until the next fad du jour.").

Creating a Culture of Accountability
In dealing with an atmosphere of blame, a very useful exercise is to facilitate a session where the angry "blamers" are asked to make a detailed list of everything those "thems" did to compromise the needed results. Each reason is subsequently dealt with by asking, without judgment, "What could you have done to prevent this... and what stopped you from taking this action?" The latter are barriers to needed action and will generally fit into one of the following four categories developed by Scott Simmerman (See www.squarewheels.com for more information):

"Brick Walls": External factors inhibiting performance - not likely to change and are well beyond individual or collective control (Immovable and Real),

"Partitions": Will most likely need peer, management, or executive management to get involved and support subsequently - Interdepartmental effort, time, money, and/or additional personnel/resources needed (Cultural "handcuffs"),

"Paper hoops": Roadblock exists, but only because isolated events from the past have made them believe it in their minds - They need help to risk... and succeed,

The "Mindset": Untested beliefs and perceptions leading to paralysis - They believe they can't... and, unfortunately, make it self-fulfilling.

Outstanding performers not only will see most barriers as being in the first two categories, but be more realistic, pro-active and creative in trying to deal with the "partitions." Average performers have a lot of perceived barriers to more effective work results and all-too-easily fall into the "mindset."

It is important when faced with a "victim" response not to explicitly label the person or group as such. The above exercise can be used with the following questions to gently challenge them to own the issue and take appropriate action:

• "What can you control, and what can't you control in this situation?"
• "What are your perceived barriers to results? Are they necessarily real?"
• "Where are the areas of joint accountability that may lead to the ball getting dropped?"
• "Have you confronted the things or people that need confronting?"
• "Have you been wasting time or energy on things you cannot control or influence?"
• "Have you held yourself accountable for holding yourself accountable?"
• "Have you held yourselves accountable for appropriately holding other people accountable?"
• "What have you learned from this experience?"
• "What appropriate help would it take from me to help you succeed?"

* However, immediately establish three new cultural "rules" - If nothing else, through your behavior and "teachable" moments:

1. ZERO tolerance for blame! "Blame the process, not the person!"
2. "No whining allowed... to go (gently) unchallenged,"
3. a) "The only person you can change and speak for is yourself."
   b) See (1) & (2)

   * Two more rules for "change agents":

4. "I must learn to swallow my ego ten times before breakfast and another dozen more times before lunch," [Comes up in many guises]
5. "All of my efforts must be tied to organizational results."

The "Fuel" of Quality: The expectation and facilitation of people to ("voluntarily") manage their ego reactions in healthy ways

* Tough personal mind shifts for quality professionals:

1. "Do I want to be effective... or just right?"
2. **Bottom line: "How do I change so as to get other people to want to volunteer to change?"
3. "US darn humans... God bless us all!"

1. Emotional needs will express themselves one way or another
   • In other words, "There are no secrets."
2. Anger is an expression of need ("I am never angry for the reason I think.")
3. Immediate reactions to problems often disguise deeper feelings.
4. We must clarify individual needs before problem solving with others.
   • Intense, out-of-proportion reactions such as anger or fear are usually symptoms of something much deeper and most probably unrelated to the situation at hand. There is a good chance that one of the four basic needs (Survival, Love and be loved, Feel important, Variety) is being threatened and all the person's energy is flowing to get it met - resulting in an addictive behavior.
5. Our feelings and needs are neither wrong nor bad.
6. Emotions are the gateway to vitality and feeling alive.
7. We can address emotional issues and still save face.
   • Our feelings just "are" and part of the price we pay for being human--and judgment or self-condemnation won't help the situation.
8. We need to express positive feelings and communicate negative ones.
   • Addressing behavior that compromises results and success without attacking the human being.

In addition, increasing societal and technological changes have resulted in "emotional overload." People feel "out of control" in their lives, thus reinforcing this almost obsessive need for predictability. This combination of forces has contributed to rising levels of workplace defensiveness and "finger-pointing" when things go wrong that is affecting both coworker and customer relationships. If left unchecked, it could result in a non-trivial growing "hidden" cost to an organization through decreased workplace efficiency and productivity.

The good news is that this "emotional" element can be harvested into a positive force for building a more vigorous organization and enhancing individual job satisfaction.

Healthy organizations must expect their people, especially those managing people, to:

1. increase awareness of these "emotional" issues and how they affect the work culture,
2. take responsibility for discovering, then insulating, their own "hot buttons,"
3. motivate themselves and coworkers to "own" their circumstances and talk about them truthfully,
4. develop zero tolerance for "blame" and "victim" ("It's not my fault!") mentalities.

Format

• This seminar consists of 4-5 sessions of 2-1/2 hours each.
• Faith Ralston's book, e-Motions at Work, is used as a text. Its practical, real world style and exercises are designed to help honestly address specific personal and organizational issues.
• Five videotapes are used to emphasize and complement the major concepts in the text.
• The participants will discover for themselves the power of a communication style that is honest, constructive, non-defensive, non-dumping, non-hysterical, and motivating towards individual responsibility and action.
• The focus is on personal growth but through a context of attaining organizational results.

• Understand and deal with the frustratingly difficult, but, alas, natural, process of personal growth and behavior transformation,
• Apply the Franklin "Reality Model" to take healthy "control" of work lives by accepting personal responsibility to change behaviors that would not be beneficial to the organization over time,
• Facilitate emotionally loaded group situations by expressing positive feelings, communicating negative ones, letting all involved "save face," and motivating a constructive group solution to the problem.

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